Resurfacing me. . . : A little of my story. . .

I've fought with my weight for the last 15 years.

It wasn't until I became pregnant with my daughter, that my battle with my weight, really began.

I gained 50 lbs in my pregnancy but lost 30 of that pretty quickly.

I never lost that additional 20 lbs, infact, I gained 50 more on top of over the years.

I've done weight watchers, the Atkins diet, diet pills, and I almost had weight loss surgery all in a desperate effort to lose weight.

The most I would ever lose was about 10-15 lbs and then I would quit.

Only to gain that back, and then some.

Finally, in 2009 made an appointment with a nutritionist.

I needed some direction.

My starting weight was 267 lbs.

I wanted to die.

It was my highest weight ever.

I was miserable and unhappy.

But, I knew this was the fresh start I needed.

Since then, I'm down 50 lbs.

Over the course of these 5 years, I've managed to keep the majority of my weight off.

The problem is that I still need to lose 50 MORE lbs. I try to remember that I just need to lose 5lbs 10 more times! ;)

I know, I have a long ways to go but I am starting to like myself, again. Which is awesome feeling! It's an amazing feeling to start liking what you see in yourself.

I came across these pictures recently and seeing pics of me from this time in my life are very bittersweet. Because I still remember very vividly how the girl in these pictures felt. I felt hopeless, alone, sad, just completely miserable. I felt stuck in every aspect of my life. I even remember going on a field trip with maddie and one of the kids telling her, that her mom was fat. I tried to brush it off but it hurt. It really, really hurt. I had really given up on myself. I often went without makeup and I often wore black. Because I didn't want to stand out. I didn't want anyone to notice me. Thankfully one day, I had the courage to take my life back. I worked towards losing the weight, I embraced being a girl again and started taking care of myself. I also started to break out of my shell.

I still have my bad days, but instead of just completely giving up like I did in the past, I just continue to move forward.
I plan to use this blog to document my progress and I would love for you to follow along with me!

I did want to share a few of my "before" pics, to remind me of where I was